You’ve been showing up, doing the work, talking to a female business coach, leaning into growth instead of running from it, and still… it feels like you’re not getting anywhere. That’s when the whisper sneaks in.

“I should be farther along by now.”

The voice sounds reasonable at first. It pretends to be helpful advice from within, like a motivational push or a loving nudge to keep going.

But that voice is not a coach. It’s a critic dressed in ambition’s clothing. And the more you listen, the more discouraged you feel. The longer you stay in that headspace of “I should be further along,” the more stuck you become.

What That Inner Voice Actually Does

It hijacks your Reticular Activating System (RAS), your brain’s internal filter, and trains it to look for everything that’s still missing.

So the more you dwell on the unresolved, the undone, or the unfinished, the more your RAS ignores progress and fixates on the holes and gaps. It focuses your attention on flaws, not formation.

And while your body might be learning new rhythms and your soul might be stretching into deeper alignment, that voice interrupts the process and says, “You’re behind. Hurry up.”

That’s not how real growth works.

Growth That Lasts Moves Underground First

True transformation moves underground before it ever blooms above the surface. It gets quiet before it gets visible.

The myelination of new habits, new thoughts, new leadership reflexes all happens in layers, slowly, repeatedly, and deliberately. That’s how durable change is formed.

But when you measure your growth or healing by speed, you start to rush what can’t be rushed.

You panic when things feel slow. You start grasping for new strategies, abandoning the practices that were beginning to work because they don’t give you instant relief. You chase novelty instead of nurturing depth. 

And suddenly, you’re back at the start again, frustrated, exhausted, and wondering why nothing seems to stick.

What This Lie Robs You Of

The “I should be farther along” lie robs you.

It robs you of your peace by replacing patience with panic. It steals your persistence by making you second-guess every step. It takes your clarity hostage by crowding out the quiet truth of what’s actually working in your life.

And it strips you of your capacity to receive what’s already shifting inside you.

Sometimes your nerve system is still catching up to the truth your soul already knows. That lag is not failure, and the pause it produces is not punishment. 

It’s part of the pattern. And it tells you what you’re doing is working.

So, the next time you feel that discouragement rising in your chest, self-judgment, the spiral, or shame, don’t panic.

Pause.

Name it for the lie it is, and remind yourself that you are not behind.

You are right in the middle of the miracle.

And every part of your being is learning to hold what’s coming next. Stay in it.

Dr Barbara Eaton

Want to go deeper?

I write more about this in Two Streets Named Hard, especially Chapter 7, where I explore how your expectations can cloud your progress and why trusting your body’s pace might be the strongest thing you’ve ever done.

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