You don’t need more confidence. You need to stop waiting for it.

Let me take you back to my early days in practice. The building was cold. The furniture had been borrowed. And the quiet voice in the back of my head was anything but supportive.

It whispered things like, “What if no one comes?” “What if they do… and you disappoint them?” “What if this was a huge mistake?”

I didn’t feel confident. But I had already committed. I had signed the lease. I’d told people I was opening. And I’d made the decision to show up — not just for myself, but for the people I was called to serve.

And so I moved forward nervously at first,  imperfectly. And eventually… confidently.

That progression holds a valuable lesson.

Where confidence actually comes from

We’ve been told confidence is something you need before you take a bold step.

But in my experience — and in the lives of the high-performing women I coach — confidence is never the starting point. It’s the result.

Confidence follows movement. It grows with repetition. And it shows up once your brain sees that you can survive the action you’ve been avoiding.

The neuroscience behind your hesitation

There’s a part of your brain called the Reticular Activating System. It filters what you notice and what you ignore. When you’re focused on fear, uncertainty, or “what ifs,” your brain starts collecting evidence to support that outlook.

It’s not trying to sabotage you. It’s just doing what you’ve trained it to do.

So when you keep saying “I’ll do it when I feel more confident,” your brain simply waits with you — never activating the experience that actually builds the confidence you want.

You don’t need to feel braver. You need to take the next aligned action and let your brain catch up to your decision.

You’ve mistaken readiness for alignment

So many of us confuse the feeling of readiness with permission to move forward. But readiness lies to us more often than not. Readiness is a trick of the mind that says:

“Once you’ve figured it all out, then you can begin.”

But that’s not how growth works. Growth is messy. Movement comes first.

Then clarity comes while you’re already in motion.

Want to start building confidence now?

Try this:

• Choose one area where you’ve been waiting to “feel ready.”

• Write down the exact question or fear you’ve been sitting with.

• Reframe that fear as a decision: “I’m moving forward, even if I don’t feel 100% sure.”

Let your brain get some reps. Let your nervous system feel success — even in small, wobbly steps. Let conviction be the driver.

Confidence will join you along the way. It always does, even if it's a slowpoke.

Want to explore this more deeply?

I unpack all this fully in my book Two Streets Named Hard, especially in Chapter 3. If you’ve been circling the same decision for months — this chapter may be the shift you’ve been waiting for.

👉 Click here to get your copy on Amazon

If you’ve already read the book or already left a review on Amazon—thank you!

Reply to let me know once you’ve posted your review, and I’ll send you an invite to my private book club where we apply these ideas in real time. No pressure, just support.

Because your next chapter deserves a confident author — even if she writes it with slightly shaky hands at first.

Dr Barbara